What I told a young artist today

This conversation actually took place on the 15th, PH time ~ but I did write this on the same day ^^;

​I, fraternise a lot with a lot of folks half my age (or thereabouts) ~ not by choice, really, but by circumstance ~ and quite apart from work, too. Like today, I went to therapy (physical) for my achy joints (#suxtobeold) and the lady in charge of the clinic is, in fact, one of those young folks.

This being only my fourth time to come to this clinic (which, I’m compelled to say, is a lot kinder than that other PT place I’d been to), I’m not, like, super familiar with the kindly couple who run it. I mean, they’re helping me manage (and hopefully totally get over) the pain I’ve had to live with (or rather work with) for years ~ so that I can work better ~ but that’s basically it.

(Believe me, it’s not fun glomping your brush ~ or even typing ~ for hours on end with fingers that feel like they’re being crushed by Gryla on a bad day (does she even have good days lol).

Anyway, the nice lady in charge seems to want to, you know, paint in earnest ~ or at least have a show, and has been telling me about this gallery she and the nice physio have been going to. (Turns out, it’s a gallery I’ve, had a fair bit of recent history with.) (But I digress.)

Maybe it was the (first) full night’s sleep (I’d had in forever) the previous night, or maybe it’s because shut-ins like yours truly don’t usually have a warm body to talk to ~ but for some reason, I found myself encouraging this lady to just go for it and apply for a show.

I don’t know why I did that. I mean, it’s not like she was asking. In fact she even said something like ‘Wow, you’re mentoring me already.’ (But yeah, I’m afraid I’d already said too much x was too far gone into ‘lecture mode’ to take the hint.)

Who asked you?

I’m pretty sure young folks hate it when boomers (boomer lite, thank you very much lol) like myself start telling them what to do with their lives. (Heck, I hate it so much (and I’m not even young) I wrote a whole jillablog post about it).

I found myself doing the exact same thing I’ve been doing at work lately because I’ve been working cheek-by-jowl with this SEO guy who is half my age ~ I told him, well, sorry ~ it’s just, old folks like me can’t help running their mouths off in this fashion because we see the youngsters headed down the same path we were ~ and the path is fulla holes.

It’s just we don’t want fer the younglings to fall in dem holes, too ~ especially if they’d been holes we ourselves had the great misfortune to plunge (spectacularly) into.

I think I may have said as much to the nice lady in charge, I’m not sure. I hope I did (not that that would’ve made it ‘better’). I guess, even after sleeping, my brain still feels (at least partly) like it’s underwater, after all ^^

It’s just I don’t know. I guess I felt compelled to say, something because ~ well, I’d be flattering myself if I said I saw myself in her (a gazillion years ago) because she’s very pretty ^^ But she did remind me somewhat of what it was like, and also, maybe because she had been considering that gallery I’d mentioned (and I’d be lying if I said they didn’t cause me a not insignificant amount of pain).

(But hey, like I’d tell my current physio in so many words (if I may quote Dr S) ~ pain’s a old friend ^_^)
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Pain is the body’s way of telling you

But you know, one thing that struck me about the PT I’m seeing now is that he said they’re not about ‘no pain, no gain’ ~ they’re about respecting it (the pain, I mean). That said, I’m a bit disgusted by the way I complain a lot about how things hurt during the sessions when really I mean all my life I’ve been conditioned to just ‘suck it up and get on with it’.

(I’ve been trying lol like I just bite my lip? But it doesn’t always work ^^; )

In any case ~ if we’re going to be all about respecting pain, I felt I just had to tell the nice lady ~ or at least the nice gentleman (which amounts to the same thing).

I know I should’ve just kept my big mouth shut, and honestly, this is something I’m not proud of and know that I need to work on. And also, I haven’t at all forgotten (nor do I mean to forget) how the folks at that gallery were kind enough to give me not just one but multiple opportunities to exhibit my work.

But really, it was like watching a, graceful young, I don’t know ~ gazelle (?) merrily gambolling on the savannah ~ toward the edge of a freaking cliff.

I know I shouldn’t have said anything. But I had to say something, I mean, you know. Like I know this isn’t an excuse for my indiscretion, just the reason for it.
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Cast out first the beam in thy own eye

In any case I told her, go for it, please do, by all means (and to just be careful ~ although I am reassured by the fact that the nice physio is super supportive and I’m sure that he won’t let anyone mess with her (gallery-affiliated or otherwise ^^). And to not wait for, well, anything ~ or rather, to not let any, I don’t know, apprehensions or whatever get in the way of approaching a gallery for a show.

‘One day, you’ll wake up and you’re 30,’ says I, because that was how long I’d waited before I had my first show on the reasoning that my work ‘still’ wasn’t good enough. (It still isn’t LOL) ’You’ll never be ready,’ I said urgently. ‘So just jump right in and go for it!’

(‘But I am 30,’ the nice lady said. Coulda fooled me, honestly (see I told you she was pretty) ~ she doesn’t look a day over 25, max.)

What gets me, in retrospect, is how I wouldn’t shut up and was kind of railroading this kid into applying, I guess ~ while at the same time, cautioning her about the big bad wolves in the gallery world.

The hilarious thing was I was doing the exact same thing ~ which the kindly PT was perceptive  enough to point out ~ that I had been accusing the gallery of doing to me: Dangling the carrot in front of me whilst cutting me with a whip behind.

It was a worm-eaten carrot ~ but still a lovely carrot, and I was legit all but ready to chomp on it. But I am grateful to my parents for (none too kindly) pointing out the cuts and scars on my rear.

(Of course, I’m saying that now because, it’s there x I’d done it and there are no take-backs ^^; But yeah. I reckon I really was spreading myself too thin, and the fact that I’m now spending more time than I care to admit on trying to fix (my body) things seems to corroborate that.)

Then again, if we were always so careful of not getting cut or scarred or whatever ~ we’d never achieve anything at all in life, now, would we?

(It’s just, I guess, after almost 20 years of getting cut and scarred you’ll excuse me if I’m just sick to death of it because the truth is I don’t like to suffer hahahhahahaha) 

But I would spare this nice lady all I can, if I could, because, while art is all about hard work and discipline, I still think somehow deep down that it ought to (and still can) be a joyous thing, too.

What gives you the right

The other thing that gets me, looking back at my impromptu ‘mentoring’ ^^; ~ is how I am actually sooo not qualified to be talking to this young lady this way because who the *squat* am I? I mean who did I think I was, Nena? Impy? Anita? (Or Georgia? Frida? Artemisia?)

I felt it on a gut level whilst I was talking to her but the thought only fully coalesced in my head when I got back ~ I had no business x no right to be talking to the nice lady like that when I’m having problems with my own practice.

How did Watson put it?

“The public not unnaturally goes on the principle that he who would heal others must himself be whole, and looks askance at the curative powers of the man whose own case is beyond the reach of his drugs.”

The nice lady was probably thinking, ‘Who’s this old bag to be runnin’ off her mouth like that when hell, I’d never even heard of her.’ And you know ~ she’d be right.

I can’t mentor her or anybody for that matter seeing how I’m in dire need of a mentor, myself.
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Then shalt thou see to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye

Maybe, I need to get my own act back together ~ pick myself back up after what happened with that gallery (and other galleries before) and try again. There are lots of other galleries, and, more importantly, many, many, many more monsters I want to paint and bring out into the world.

Before I start ‘lecturing’ these youngin’s on getting out there and getting a show ~ I must, in fact, ‘make myself whole’ first, you know?

So ~ to that nice lady at the physio place (and to the kindly physio himself) ~ I am sorry for talking so much (and for being late ^^; ) today ~ it’s just I really meant, to warn you that the art world ~ is big and beautiful, for sure, and I want for you to experience the best of it (that is, if you really, really want it).

But yeah, to watch out for the wolves, too. I mean, just because I got bitten doesn’t mean you’ll be? But do be careful, all the same ^_^
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